Skip links

Effective Parenting Strategies

Anyone who has children knows that parenting is hard work! Although our children may inherit many traits from us, they are distinct individuals. What worked for us may not be the best for them. Through diligent research we now know what strategies get desired results and those that don’t. However, without patience and consistency, even the best techniques will be ineffective.

  • Focus on the positive: Children usually live up to our perceptions of them. If you begin to see your child as difficult and focus solely on the negative aspects of his behavior, then you will get what you expect. To offset this trend, pay special attention to any positive behavior you see. To maintain a healthy relationship, give five positive comments for every negative one.
  • Cool down before you state consequences: Remember, it is essential that we follow through with any consequences we decide. So make sure you are willing to see it through before you say it. Better to give it some thought first than to have to try and undo it later.
  • Don’t make idle threats: Children quickly become immune to threats they know won’t be followed through. Only declare consequences that you are fully prepared to keep. Keep in mind that most punishments are as inconvenient for parents as they are for the child.
  • Quit lecturing: If nagging our children worked, we would all have perfect children. Use a couple of short sentences to say why you are upset, and what you expect to happen differently. Then state clearly what will happen if things don’t improve. Walk calmly away if your child begins to argue.
  • Let your children know they are important members of the family: Explain household responsibilities are not just busy work. Instead remind them that you need their help to keep the household running smoothly. Ask for their input at family meetings and give serious consideration to their ideas.
  • Tell, don’t ask: If there is something you need for your child to take care of, simply state it clearly and expect it to be completed. Asking your child if they would please brush their teeth, leaves them the unstated option of saying, “No”. Asking may sound polite and undemanding but it leaves the door wide open for conflict.
  • Don’t parent through guilt or pity: Even if your child is enduring less than optimal circumstances, (such as an illness, divorce, or disability), it is essential that you encourage him to face difficulties and fears with an attitude of confidence. If you feel sorry, you imply that the child cannot manage or take care of themselves. This fosters a sense of learned helplessness and immaturity. Parental guilt can lead to permissiveness, which in turn breeds demanding, self-centered children.
  • Change things up: Being less predictable is sometimes helpful when you reach a ‘stalemate’ with your child. If you change your expected reaction, your child will also have to respond differently.
  • Check in with yourself regularly: It’s easy to get caught up in our daily struggles until we begin to parent on autopilot. We do what we’ve always done or what our parents did, even if it’s not working. It may be time to re-examine your parenting objectives. Write down your goals for your children. Give careful thought to the battles you’re willing to fight and let go of those that are less important to you. Parenting is a growth process so don’t be afraid to change strategies when beneficial.
  • Take care of yourself: If you are facing difficult personal issues seek out counseling for yourself. The better person you become the better parent you can be. We can’t give our children what we don’t have ourselves
Return to top of page